instant gratification…

so i briefly caught a blurp on the today show this morning. they were talking about facebooking, blogging, tweeting…all that good stuff… the topic was moms who blog/post about their pregnancies. these women posted you tube videos of themselves finding out they were pregnant. anyway, one view of course from the moms was that they were doing it out of pride & excitement. basically, they wanted to share their good news & didn’t care how public it was. another brought up the point that they wanted their child to be able to see one day how excited they were for his/her coming arrival & existence. all good points in my opinion. but “the expert” got me thinking too…she stated that we as a society are all about instant gratification, so by posting these details of our lives, be it videos, updates, etc., we aim to receive that instantaneous “like” & congrats. it’s all about the feelings. we want others to share our good news & happy times & congratulate us, because it brings us all those happy feelings. instant gratification. what do you think? made me question my motives a bit. i’m thinking it’s a little of all the above…

btw – a happy “birthday” to my sweet Heaven Baby today. wanted to post a little something about miscarriage & some things i feel God has shown me throughout my experience & the experiences of some of my friends, but not really up for typing it all right now. soon maybe…

yeah…like he said…

this is the “Daily Blessing” i received today in my email. it pretty much says what i was trying to illustrate w/my last blog on peace. mr. stanley says it much better, so i’d like to share. hope you get something from it. i have.

Thoughtful Living

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. – Psalm 25:8-9

Are you living thoughtfully and intentionally—or automatically? It’s so easy to get up each morning, do our work, enjoy some relaxation or entertainment, and fall into bed each night without giving any thought to God’s involvement in our lives. But to be ignorant of how He has blessed, guided, protected, and warned us is a foolish way to live. Just consider the benefits of keeping our spiritual eyes and ears open throughout the day.

Those who are aware of the Lord’s presence during their daily activities enjoy the peace of knowing that He is always in control and working to accomplish His good purposes. Every day’s experiences with Him teach them to know and love Him more.

When we learn to see God’s footprints in our days, we will become aware of the scope of His involvement in our lives. Maybe He strengthened you for a task or opened a door of opportunity. Perhaps He guided your decisions or helped you respond in a godly way to a difficult person.

If our ears are open to the Lord’s warnings and instructions, we won’t repeat the same mistakes again and again. But those who are deaf to His voice will continue in unhealthy thought patterns, negative emotions, and foolish responses.

Each night before you go to sleep, take some time to reflect on the day’s activities. The Lord is constantly with you, guarding and guiding your way. He wants you to see Him in everything and understand life from His perspective as you rely on His wisdom and power to face any challenge.

Charles Stanley

peace…

so , i’ll let you in on a little secret…for nearly 4 months i had been a law-breaking citizen! eek! yep, for 4 whole months… i realized around january that my car inspection had expired in november! not good. so, i did what any christian lady would go & do…i got home from running errands in my illegal car & hollered at my husband! debate ensued…”where are the registration cards?! where is my insurance card?! this one isn’t current! you handle the mail! no, you didn’t give it to me!” get the picture?

well, we figured we’d just keep breaking the law until my registration was up as well, since that card was mia…& so for 3 whole months i drove around feeling like a fugitive. every single day i’d think through the scenarios of being pulled over. what do i say? i don’t want to lie! but it’s totally unacceptable to knowingly drive around for 3 additional months in an “illegal” car! shame on me! i’d pray & sweat every time i passed a cop car. please don’t pull me over, please don’t pull me over…whew! the next trip…repeat. it was AGONIZING to drive! i know some of you may think this is just dorky, but it’s true. i hated driving b/c i felt so uneasy all the time. i didn’t realize it though until this past weekend when we finally got those shiny new inspection stickers… i drove off that parking lot w/pride in those stickers! haha those little pieces of paper carried so much meaning…so much PEACE. finally, i was following the rules again & it brought me so much peace. that’s when it hit me – this is a lot like living w/out Jesus…

when we live w/out Jesus as our Lord, we’re often living our lives breaking the rules & there’s no peace in a life like that. i’m not just talking about the “major” ones – the commandments & so forth, but also the “rules” we often overlook. do i gossip? do i bend the truth? do i curse my enemies rather than bless them? do i retaliate for wrongs & offenses – even in passive agressive ways? do i really seek God’s path for my day & my choices or do i follow my own plans?

i’m reminded of this scripture in proverbs 6…”there are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”

all of those things we may or may not do throughout our daily living & they have a direct connection to the amount of peace we experience as we go about our day. some things may seem worse than others, but they’re all wrong in God’s book, so i really need to try harder to live righteously, pleasing Him w/my life in every thought, word & deed.

anyway – random thoughts as usual, but that’s me. Jesus, please let me hear your voice, so that i may follow your ways. let your thoughts be my thoughts & your ways be my ways, so that i may truly live experiencing your peace. i ask these things in your name, amen.

here is a scripture regarding peace i thought i’d share…
John 14:7 “peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

this one doesn’t really relate to my story, but it’s beautiful, powerful & life-changing…
Isaiah 53:5 “but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” thank you, Jesus.

kitchen randomness

so i guess i’m in a blogging kind of mood today. ava needs to get up from her nap & hubby’s in the garage & dinner has 20 mins left in the oven, so maybe i’m just feeling talkative, lonely & bored! 🙂

you know how people say the things that drive you nuts about the person you love are usually the same things you love about them? i know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense now that i’ve typed it probably, but some of you may know what i’m talking about. well, i think the same goes for life & in tonight’s case – preparing dinner. sometimes i look at the pantry & fridge & just get so frustrated i could throw a can of petite diced tomatoes at the wall – we always seem to have a can of those around for some reason… coming up with dinners either frustrates me to no end, or, like in tonight’s case, brings me so much pleasure. i guess it depends on how much energy i have or how creative i feel like being. like tonight…my sister-in-law gave me this great recipe for chicken pot pie a while ago, but i didn’t have all the ingredients. some nights that would bug me, but tonight, after some major improvisions (like veg broth in lieu of chicken, a bag of random mixed veggies, a ton of potatoes & some interesting combo of spices like sage & paprika to name a few) i must say i’m pretty pleased. oh – also i had 2 pie shells, so i just let them thaw & flipped the one over the other like a lid. worked out perfectly. hopefully the fam enjoys it too. ava gets the non-dairy version of course…

so here it is – the final product…ever wanna talk food, i’m always interested!

12 weeks left & counting…

so…something occurred to me while watching “jake & the neverland pirates” w/ava the other morning…i’ve officially entered the realm of mr. smee in terms of attire these days. proof? hubby asks, “don’t you own any shirts that cover the bottom of your belly?” ha! what’s wrong w/wearing clothes that don’t fit to bed?! who out there spends money on maternity pj’s anyway? i cringe at buying the necessities. but i guess that was my sign i need to start alternating nightgowns & scrap the tees & capris til after baby…

the swollen feet hanging over the shoes kind of looks familiar too…yikes! thank goodness i think i can stop there! oh wait…just noticed the glasses barely hanging onto that schnoz… ok, now i’m starting to feel pretty plump & frumpy!

nursery in the works…

oh isla, the work you have in store for me! 🙂 but you’re worth it. here are a few “before” shots of some upcoming projects i have planned for her room. i hope “nesting” kicks in soon, b/c right now i’m dragging my swollen feet…

here is the inspiration fabric i stumbled upon while looking at rugs. probably will end up as a crib skirt, pillow case, & maybe a few other things depending on how much is left over…

some items in need of tlc, but full of meaning…
angels crafted by my mother’s grandfather that i will refinish

& a painting started by my father’s grandmother before she passed – she & ava share a birthday, so now each of the girls will have something special to share w/her

“pray” & “love” art…two of the most important verbs you can ever practice…

glider in desperate need of a slipcover & paint job…

this mama better get a move on…only about 12 weeks left…& that’s only if she makes me wait the whole 40 weeks!

the “s” returns…

Well, ila is isla again. i like the silent “s.” it’s classy. it flows. the “i” is able to stand, prominently, followed by the rest of the letters that flow like a calm ocean wave…the “s” into the “l” and “a.” perfect. after we changed it to omit the “s,” and i typed it, it hit me that the “i” next to the “l” resembled two puny sticks just hanging out, waiting to be blown over (& the word llama…hmmm). yes, i’m disappointed that hungarians don’t use the silent “s,” because that would be ideal! however, my maiden surname is scottish, so scottish spelling w/hungarian meaning & purpose still fits the bill for me. anyway…i saw “isla” in a magazine article today, & it just looked right, so, i simply asked my hubby today if we could keep the “s,” and he said sure! i love compromise. so her name will no longer match her sister’s in number of letters, but that’s ok…i am not changing this blog address again! …even if we call her sue! haha

name change…spelling only this time!

so…in case you didn’t notice…the title of the blog & the link have changed a bit, b/c our coming daughter’s name will be spelled differently now. over breakfast this morning, hubby & i were talking about the beautiful name, “eye-la,” that will grace our second daughter…

just some history…i had liked the name “eve” for her, but it wasn’t of favorite of his, so back in mid-february, while reading the baby name book in frustration (i wanted a name like yesterday for her), i was reading through the “i” names…we read through a letter at a time & when i came across “isla,” i got the response, “i dig it.” music to this mom’s ears from her picky husband! i’m just as picky & stubborn too, so the fact that i liked it sparked some interest. the next morning, i decided to research the name. bogus or negative meanings equal toss it & start over again. well…to my delight, i spotted the hungarian variant w/the spelling “ila” on one of the websites i was looking at & clicked on it. the hungarian meaning for the name is “bright/shining one,” & it is a variant of the name “helen.” bonus! why? well…my hubby’s family is of hungarian decent (our last name is very hungarian), so to find a hungarian girl name that we liked other than “imola” (not a lot of those around i’m sure) was awesome. secondly, both of his grandmothers, who have passed, were named helen. he actually wanted our 1st daughter to bear the name, but i was afraid it was too outdated for her generation & he didn’t like “helene.” it’ll have a comeback someday i’m sure – they all do. but anyway, he was especially close to his “nana,” so to find a name that…1-is hungarian, 2-has a positive meaning, 3-we both really like, & 4-is a variation of a name so close to his heart…we couldn’t pass it up. this was it. “isla rae.”

so what about the spelling after that long story? well, mom likes the scottish spelling w/the silent “s,” but dad wants to stay true to the hungarian spelling & fears she will be called “iz-la” one too many times. i can give up the “s” for those reasons…i’ll survive. 🙂 hopefully, she likes it. so that’s it. that’s the story.

neat similarity to ava’s name though…they will both have short, sweet, 6 letter names to pair with our wonderfully unique last name…ava lee & ila rae…my little angels.

christian w/a multiple personality problem…

so i got to have one of those showers today…a thought-provoking one…it’s been awhile. 🙂 i got so into my thinking about this that i almost turned the water off & got out before actually bathing! oops…

i’ll start off w/a picture – i think in pictures & analogies, which is why i think i love Jesus’ use of parables so much – picture an onion with all its layers (not so much the smell) 🙂 that’s what i feel like. beneath all these layers (maybe in my case just a few) is my core person – who i am in front of the Lord, when i’m alone, when i pray, while i sit w/my child or close my eyes at night next to my hubby. that’s me, but for some reason those are really the only times i get to be me. the rest of the time i feel i’m a close version of me, & rarely, but more often than i’d like, i’m someone the real me doesn’t even recognize.

perhaps it’s walls we build up around only certain ppl…ppl who have hurt or disappointed us…ppl we subconsciously just don’t trust w/that inner person. i have a few of those ppl in my life, & the version they get to see of me isn’t who i really am & so consequently, they base their opinions on who they see, right? who they think you are, but that’s not you & in the end, you find yourself stuck in a box w/your labels & false personality. in my case, you eventually suffer knowing that they’ve got it all wrong about you & it’s mostly your fault, b/c you just can’t be yourself around them for some reason & there you stay, stuck in the box. yet you stay consistent, b/c that’s who you have become around that specific person or group of ppl, & God forbid you act your true self, right?! b/c then, they’d think you’re on crazy pills or something…& you can’t have that… am i making any sense? it made sense in the shower… 🙂

the other part of my problem – another cause of my “multiple personality problem” stems from becoming a christian – a true christian. now, before you jump to any conclusions, i LOVE my relationship w/Christ. He is my rock, my refuge, my peace & my hope. just some history though to shed light on this dilemma…before i became the person i am now – the person who loves & has an actual relationship w/Jesus – i was a good person. i was fun, had LOADS of friends, popular, funny, fashionable (believe it or not) – just plain fun basically. now…my family would probably say i’m no longer that person. i know, b/c i’ve heard it many times in the last 11 yrs, but among all those other things, i was also sad & empty inside. that’s where Jesus came in. things still make me sad, but my life & heart are full of love & purpose – something i hadn’t had before & no matter how much you know you are loved, or how much you give love, the fulfillment of that deep longing only comes from knowing Jesus. so anyway, that was a little tangent, but to get back to my issue…i still find myself wanting to be those fun things i was before Christ, only the christian version, but this is me now. here are some scriptures that kind of explain this spiritual transformation that happens miraculously, beyond your control or own doing…”therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!” (2 corinthians 5) & “you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (ephesians 4). my new self is totally different from that old self. how do you get those traits you did like to carry over? it’s not that i don’t want to be fun, or laugh all the time, or feel “fashionable” – it’s just that i’m different now. i think i struggle letting go of my past personality sometimes & knowing that my loved ones who knew me then prefer that “old man’s” personality, sometimes throws me into a personality pickle per se…

anyway, so there’s my little shower soap box for the day. any thoughts? can anyone relate?

oh & just a side note – i know i’m a certified teacher, but i throw all the rules of mechanics out the window on here…hope you don’t mind 🙂 but apparently grammar still gives me ocd, b/c i’ve been back to edit my mistakes now 6 times…