Dear Daughter, I Enjoy You.


Dear Daughter, I Enjoy You.

As I was slowly making the descent from upstairs, I allowed the exhaustion to wash over me, mentally, physically, emotionally. Out of nowhere, a thought hit me, and I knew immediately that it was one worth paying attention too.

“How tiring these kids are.”
“These days are long. They are hard.”

And it hit me.

The faces I made throughout the day. The sneers. The snorts. The sighs…

And a voice asked me a simple question…

“What if you could look at yourself that way? You wouldn’t be your own friend. You would lose a friend over such behavior.  And yet, you treat your own flesh and blood…your baby in such a way.”

I have gone as far as to roll over in the bed in the morning and growl angry words like, “You are being sooo annoying right now, child.”  All they want is breakfast.  All I want is more sleep.

Seriously.

I did that.

And it started to sink in how I was hurting little hearts everyday. I am hurting little hearts. With my words. With my actions. With my eye rolls and sighs…

But those things aren’t  real. They aren’t reality. Reality is, I am simply exhausted and poorly behaved. Reality is that my children are…children. They are silly. They are wild.  They require a lot of energy.  They are beautiful. They are loved.

I like them.

I admire and adore them.

I enjoy them.

I need to remember their smallness. My eyes…my words…my touch…my moods…are their world. For 90% of their day, I am their world.

So here’s my pep talk to myself:

Get it together, girl. Straighten up, sister. You have got to use that heart and that head of your’s and wipe that nasty exhaustion off of your face. Wipe it off on purpose.  Don’t let it ruin the tenderness in your smile. Don’t give it ground. Step up your game. You are their mama. God put you over these girls like a guardian angel. One they can touch and hear and smell and look to for love and guidance. Put on your wings today, mama, because they require a whole lot of protection. And sometimes, you have to make a choice to shelter them from even yourself. Lay that bitterness of a messy house down. Cast that resentment of a sleepless night aside. Forgive those early-risers, knowing that they are just excited to start a new day. Pray for a little of that to rub off on you too… You are the mama and you enjoy them. Time to start living like it…

Dear Daughter,


Forgive me. I don’t mean to be so hard on you. I want to see you sparkle from sun-up to sun-down. You are smart, funny, vivacious, and inspiring. Your giggles are darling and your smile is so pure. You are brave and adventurous and I wish I could have more of that in my own weary bones. You are special and gifted. The Lord made you well. There is no one else like you, and no one else has my heart on a string like you do. I’d give all I have away in a moment and still be satisfied knowing that I am your mama and you are mine. I’m sorry for letting my bad mood discolor our days together. You won’t know this, but I need a reminder. Your sweet, soft cheeks are going to help me through the hard days. They were the first bits of you that I cherished. I kissed and caressed them from day one. I kissed them so gently, hoping that you could sense your precious worth when we couldn’t yet share words. I still sweep my hand along them towards your little chin to this day as a way to send you a quick love letter. So, that will be my reminder to myself to keep my word to you. To protect you from my tired looks and grumpy words. When I see them, touch them, smooch them…I will remember your smallness and my bigness, and I will behave as a mama should – with patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, love, joy, peace, gentleness and self-control. Sounds familiar, huh? Yeah, those Fruits of the Spirit {Galatians 5:22-23} that mama holds you accountable to…well, I’m going to start being those things too. You deserve that from me. I love you, Daughter. I so deeply love you.

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Comments

    • says

      Thank you for the kind words and for leaving a comment, Belinda! I have to remind myself even every 10 minutes some days! Praying that Monday greets you and your little one(s) with joy! xo

  1. Chandra says

    I can’t begin to tell you how much I loved this post! It truly toched me. I know you wrote this almost a year ago but for some reason I came across it today, a day I really needed it. While arguing with my daughter (again) I realized it’s not just her attitude, but mine that I need to get under control as well. It was a tough pill to swallow. You made me feel so much better knowing I’m not the only mom that feels this way.
    As for your “Dear Daughther” letter at the end, well, it made me cry. It’s like you took the words right out of my heart! I can’t wait to print and frame it so I can hang it in her room.
    Thank you so much! God Bless

      • kloverhouse says

        Thank you, Chandra. I’m touched that you took the time to visit us and leave a comment. Blessings! xoxo

    • kloverhouse says

      Thank you so much for this added note! Seriously, you made my day. I’m honored that the letter resonated with you. We moms are often in similar boats. It is a hard pill to swallow. I often “react” rather than “respond” to much of what my children do throughout the day. I had to preach to myself a bit in this post. xoxo

  2. deanna says

    I’m so moved … actually crying as I sit here, on my birthday. Silently begged my beautiful little 2 year old girl to go to sleep, then my 6 month old got up a half hour ago (teething) …. daddy passed away October 25 2015 which drained and scared my soul. …. thank you for opening up and putting in words your feelings. … it helped a this mama whose heart is hurting

    • kloverhouse says

      My heart broke reading this. I bet you don’t know how strong and amazing you are, huh? I imagine that you are so concerned with everyone else around you and raising those precious babies that you don’t give yourself enough credit most days. The fact that you begged silently and that you read this in tears speaks to your tender and loving heart towards your children. They are blessed to have a mom like you. I am praying for God’s favor, LOVE, and grace to cover your life and that your worries would cease and that your prayers would be answered. I hope that this is a year of new beginnings and good things. I pray that you would be filled with energy and joy and never feel guilty about it for a second. He would want that for you – for you to smile and laugh and to ENJOY your angels. You have a new friend here, and you’re always welcome to stop back and chat. Lord knows, I never sleep either… ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hugs. xoxo

  3. Brittany says

    Needed this! I have a medical issue that leaves me tired all day and night…mornings especially are so hard! Add two rambunctious boys ages 5 & 7 and a 6 month old baby girl to the mix and I feel completely drained all day every day. I need to focus on them instead of how tired I may be feeling…to smile more and play more. Definitely giving it to God and trying my best to be more present & happy bc I choose to be not bc of how I am feeling.

    *With a teething baby right now I definitely needed to hear this. Perfect timing!โ™ก

    • kloverhouse says

      Praying for you, mama. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in 2012, so, my heart goes out to you. Fatigue steals more than your energy. It can steal your joy and riddle you with guilt. Keep fighting the battle against perspective, because I firmly believe that optimism and joy are healers, and when you are an already tired mom, you need every ounce! God bless you and touch your body with a healing touch. xoxo

  4. kerrie walsh says

    How true are these words. Made me teary as yes it can get tough each day as a single mum too with 2 little ones with global delay. What you have written is so true for many a parent. Thank you God bless you

    • kloverhouse says

      Thank you for taking time out of your busy, busy day to read and comment! I give so much credit to moms that are carrying their family solo. You are a hero. They’ll remember your fierce love. God bless you too, friend. xoxo

  5. NONNS says

    I am having busy days at work and home, looking after my sisters daughter as well as mine. I was a bit mean to my sweet girl because i expected more from her for being just only 9 months older than her cousin. I am so glad to read your words to rwmind myself they are small and i am big. And to expect good behaviour i should b an example

    • kloverhouse says

      It is so, so easy to get caught up in the “work” of it all. I have to remind myself to behave just about every 10 minutes! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Plus, I think we extend extra grace to others’ kids. Sometimes, I try to shift my perspective and pretend my kids aren’t mine! lol Sad, but it works! Thank you for your comment! xoxo

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