i think back to our early valentines this morning. i remember saying to my husband (then boyfriend) at one point, ‘i am one of those girls that doesn’t need flowers and mushy cards.’ music to his man-ears, i’m sure. i meant it too. i had come out of two years of singleness and independence, and flowers and chocolates from my significant other were no big deal.
oh how i wish i still felt that way! haha
sometimes i wonder where that girl has vanished to. she was cool, in shape!, artsy, self-reliant…
now i’m a mushy, melted, sappy, tired, old bitty who needs flowers and chocolates, and love notes!
seriously, i’m not sure what happens in some marriages (like mine). we’ve seemed to have lost our adventurous spirits and the giddiness that comes with just being together. maybe that’s why i feel the need to have these *objects* to serve as reminders of that spark. unfortunately though, it’s kind of like when you try to use a canadian quarter in a vending machine…it looks similar. it’s meant to serve the same purpose, and if you’re not careful, you use it assuming it’s the real deal, but…it’s no george washington. you know what i mean?
i don’t want chocolates, flowers, hallmark cards or fancy dinners to make me feel loved. i want the real deal. i want the butterflies, the anxious heart, the goosebumps, and warm fuzzies. that’s what i want for valentine’s. a genuine smile, a belly laugh, and strong hug that says ‘i need you.’
maybe i’ve just been too tired, busy, distracted, and complacent when it comes to my marriage, my friendship, and my love. for too many years, i have been expecting the counterfeits, and i have been guilty of handing them out in return. time to take back this ‘holiday’, and make it our ‘everyday’ again.
i don’t want the kind of valentine’s the world tells me i need. i want God’s version. i want a ‘Song of Songs.’
all that said…it sure won’t hurt anything, however, if he starts tomorrow off with a big bouquet… 😉