mom-guilt

i’m sure you all have been there. it’s not a hard place to find yourself in, especially when you are a stay-at-home mom trying to be a help-mate to your spouse, a healthy role model to your children, and a competent manager of your household…

the land of “mom-guilt.”

i found myself there the other day.

technically, i found myself in an old navy outlet store, but emotionally, i was in a guilty place.

i had a $10 budget for the day. period.

my goal: take the kids to the old navy outlet store to buy 30 bouncy balls out of the giant gum-ball machine. we have a birthday party coming up this weekend (isla rae turns two tomorrow!), and the balls in that machine are the big ones and are only 25 cents a piece. (a whole 75 cents cheaper than the ones at the grocery store, larger than the ones online, and no shipping or tax either – win!)

i had to break my ten dollar bill, and they are currently having a 40% off the entire store sale, so i decided to look for a top to wear over my still-bulging-belly for the fourth of july festivities. crack the door to mom-guilt here.

all tanks were like $3.29 or something, so i picked up two to layer over one another – a navy blue one and a white & navy blue striped one.

perfect! i’d spend a little over $6, and i’d combine the change with the $2 i already had in quarters for the machine, get our bag o’ balls for the par-tay, and leave.

then, i made the mistake of walking through the little girls’ section. soooo many adorable clothes. soooo many adorable dresses…shoes…tops…and soooo cheap.

there it was. mom-guilt like quicksand.

i’m getting all anxious inside just thinking about it again.

i picked up this beautiful little dress. 2T. isla’s size. and the gut-wrenching internal dialogue starts…

“isla’s birthday is on saturday. i really should get her this dress instead of my tops. she doesn’t even have many dresses (b/c she and ava were born in opposite seasons). i would still have enough to get the bouncy balls. no, i’ll get the tanks. i don’t have anything to wear tomorrow. i never buy myself anything. i haven’t bought anything since that nursing nightgown before eden was born. it’s ok to spend a little on yourself too. you’ll get the girls something soon.”

ugh. and i slowly trudged towards the register with my two tanks, dripping in guilt.

and guess what…i shouldn’t have even worn the tanks. they should have been tagged with the warning:

“these will fit like spandex…even if you buy the “next size up” and layer them, you may resemble a bratwurst. so, just buy your kid the dress.”

when i voiced my guilty thoughts to my husband, he reassured me that it is okay to want to look nice and it is acceptable to buy yourself something, even if it means you don’t get something for the kids. but it’s still there – that guilt.

***the post triggered a great deal of thinking on my part about what it means to be a “proverbs 31 woman” when it comes to what i mentioned earlier: being a help-mate to your spouse, a healthy role model for your children, and a competent manager of your household. this can be challenging when you are on a tight budget and your needs mingle with wants far too often. a few years ago, i would have whipped out my old navy credit card and just bought the little dresses and the tanks for myself, but not anymore. we are currently buying a home and are also set on achieving a debt-free lifestyle. so, i found myself thinking about who i am called to be as a wife, mother, woman…what my role is in this family…how i can contribute to our financial well-being…what kinds of challenges i am faced with daily…how God is using them to grow me/us…all of it.

that said, i will be studying the p-31 woman and applying her virtues to my own life the best that i can. i’d love for you to join me on this journey and offer insight as we figure out who we are in Christ as p-31 women together. simply check this post from time to time. as i delve into verses individually, this original post will start to transform into a hub of links to other posts and resources. i’m looking forward to this. hope you are too.***

what proverbs 31 has to say:

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

what does this mean to you? leave a comment!

xo,
kristi

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