His girl.

i’ll tell you right now – i want nothing more in life than to be “God’s girl.” i live & long for His favor & love. i screw up a lot. i get down on myself even more…but at the end of the day when i lay my head on my pillow, i give Him today’s failures & fears trusting that His mercies are new each morning & a blank canvas awaits…

for too long i’ve worried about what others think of me. for too long i’ve cared about what they have to say. for too long i’ve placed my worth in the hands of some pretty artificial people. “why do you care?” my husband will ask. “why does it matter what they think or say about you?” the truth is, i don’t know. i don’t have an answer. i don’t know why i care & i sure don’t know why it matters. maybe it’s the flaw of the female.

i was never insecure until i moved home from graduating bible college & i often wonder where the disconnect occurred. i have an idea of the why but not the when…

i’m reminded often of one of my favorite pastors, richard crisco, when i think of the toxic relationships i still chase to this day. “show me your friends & i’ll show you your future,” he said very often & with complete certainty. you know what? he is right. at this rate my future will be a shriveled, timid mess unless i step up & get my head straight.

i am His girl. Jesus is my best friend. i need to let all of those opinions shrivel.

there are some people that will go out of their way to prove to you, themselves & others that you don’t matter…that you’re static. are you someone’s “secret friend” too? you know what i’m talking about. why is it that those people tend to be the most alluring? it’s the devil. i believe it. b/c not only are you tied up in constantly trying to win approval, thus constantly being distracted from God & His agenda for your actions, thoughts, life, but the rejection you feel drags you further into a pit of lies you tell yourself about who you are. again, i say to myself & you – it does not matter what the world thinks or says you are – who does God say you are?

who am i, Lord?

you are Mine.

you are beautiful.

all the rest is static.

charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. ~proverbs 31:30

Comments

  1. says

    I'm happy that it touched you as well, Ashley. You're right – it's daily…sometimes hourly even, but the breakthrough's in sight & freedom from these thoughts & feelings permanently is near in Jesus' name.

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