apologies…

so i’ve been thinking a lot this weekend about apologies… i’m pretty sure a lot of you can relate, considering nearly all of us have been wronged or have wronged someone else at least a few times in our lives thus far. first of all though, i need to say – don’t read too into this & convince yourself i’m talking about you! i’m talking about life in general & myself included on this issue. furthermore, when i talk about offenses – i mean of ALL kinds. small remarks that manage to cut you to the core w/out it even being someone’s intention to total rifts in relationships that stem from heavy-duty issues…the whole spectrum…

sometimes i still feel i am “owed” apologies & some i’ve received have seemed far less than genuine. discernment tells me so! right? 🙂 so, thinking about that got me thinking about that “owed” stuff… are we really owed any apologies? well, i sure feel like it… especially when you see the person & it’s like nothing ever happened on their end, but your left with these thorns in your side & every time you see them or think about it, it’s like that sting returns. you know what i mean? how can some people just go about their lives like any pain they caused you is just no biggie? everything gets swept under the rug…

well, then i think about offenses, which leads to thinking about forgiveness, which leads straight to thinking about Jesus. then i’m hit full-circle w/that issue of entitlement. do you think b/c i still feel i’m “owed” that apology or that the one i received should have been more genuine or earnest, that’s an indicator that i truly don’t forgive them? i say i do. most of the time i seem to think i do. but do i? what if Jesus held me to that same standard…

colossians 3:13 “make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” making allowances – that’s where i’m seriously falling short. make room for people to let you down. tolerance. acceptance. not lower standards…just a mature understanding that people are going to hurt you. i think of Jesus loving peter & judas…loving all people…knowing ahead of time the rejection, the letdowns, the betrayals… i’d love to be more like that.

ok – so here’s a gross analogy, so don’t read on if you’re grossed out by the whole birthing process…actually, if you are not female – just stop here period.

ok – so i asked the doc at my last appt if i’d have to have another episiotomy w/this baby. her response was that even if the baby didn’t require me to have one (supposedly i’m carrying a petite girl b/c we’re a couple wks under in measurements), i’d prob still get one b/c “the scarring is less forgiving.” pretty interesting statement. the scarring is less forgiving. it is tough. it’s less flexible. it’s a scar….damaged skin…a mark left forever…the replacement of “normal” tissue. after doing a little reading about scars i found these simple & common-sense comments much more meaningful… “nearly every wound results in some degree of scarring.” “it’s a natural part of the healing process.”

see the correlation? i feel God gives us reflections of our spirit man in our physical man in many cases so that we can better understand ourselves & His ways. a scar is less forgiving… chew on that one for a minute.

anyway, so that’s what i’ll be praying more about this week & doing some in depth reading of what He has to say about the way i’ve been feeling. i know w/my head what it is i need to feel, but i need some more scriptures & prayer to speak to my heart. after all, as it clearly states in proverbs 4:23 “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” everything flows from it…thoughts, speech, actions, motives…everything. so i need true forgiveness in my heart to forget about offenses – really, truly forget them. the way God forgives & forgets mine…

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